21 Dirty Talk Phrases For Beginners To Try In Bed

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A 2022 survey of over 4,000 adults found that 76% of men and 73% of women reported enjoying dirty talk during sex. Whether you’re introducing dirty talk into your bedroom for the first time, or you’ve tried it before and want to feel more confident, discussing the subject before you hit the sheets might calm your nerves. “When you’re trying something new in the bedroom, talking about it can help set the stage and engage your partner’s desires,” Luna Matatas, a sex and pleasure educator, tells Elite Daily. “You can mention that you’re curious about dirty talk and ask what your partner’s experience is with it or what they think about it. If you’re nervous about trying it out or worried about feeling silly — let them know this too. This can give your partner an opportunity to affirm you, and it can help you take the pressure off of performing perfectly.” Plus, if dirty talk isn’t for you, definitely let your partner know.

For reading:

• Throughout my 33 years of life, I’ve tried almost everything to get into the mood.
• As a result, Lovegood recommends that people embrace their fears and try to not be afraid to get things wrong.
• The award winning BRIT School graduate first began working on the project as a screenplay — and has since grown the idea into a multi-channel platform reaching viewers across the world.
• If you do, those juices will start to flow and she’ll be way more receptive to getting intimate.

Or you’re worried you’ll end up tongue-tied and won’t know what to say. Or perhaps the entire concept of it is just really embarrassing to you. For many people, the thought of talking dirty during sex can be especially daunting. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!

A 101 Guide to Dirty Talk (Even If You’re Bad at Improv)

Sexuality creates intimacy for a couple and becomes the glue of the relationship. Good sex is a barometer of a good relationship. “One possibility is maybe she has a dependent personality and maybe she likes the idea of submitting to a dominant, powerful force,” she said. “Or maybe she fantasizes about being the dominant one and is afraid to put that on to her guy to do it first, so she tests the waters.” A woman who calls up her partner at work to say to him “when you come home sweetheart, I’m going to let you tie me to the bedpost, handcuff me, and arrest me,” says Walfish, is vocalizing her fantasy outside the bedroom.

It is commonly a part of foreplay, and can include vivid erotic descriptions, sexual humor, sexual commands and rude words. It may be whispered into a partner’s ear, spoken over a telephone, or put into text. The intention of erotic talk is generally to generate excitement between one, both or all parties engaged in a sexual interaction, or even to induce orgasm. Real sex has thus been tainted with vicarious sex, with conventions of narration that, while serving a function in art, are superfluous when we ourselves are the participants.

• What is it about erotic communication that increases our sexual arousal?
• When we’re actively having sex, Dr. Jansen says, “our minds tend to choose a path of least resistance” and fall back on the phrases we’ve been repeating for years as the quickest way to reach orgasm during sex.
• Over text, as opposed to IRL, you have the gift of time.
• By talking dirty, you unleash the sexual and sensual conversation.
• The tough-talking drill to which we subject our partners suggests rape and coercion, a world in which the will is constantly opposed by a reluctant partner whom we must goad into action by threatening to exercise brute force.

Meanwhile, guys are dominating porn usage because their arousal has more directly visual triggers. A good rule of thumb with dirty talk is to tell your partner what you want to do to them/with them before you’re actually doing it, and then, while you’re doing it, specifically describe what it is you like about it. I’ll walk you through the things to generally avoid, include, and steer clear of altogether, in order for you to dominate the world of dirty talk. Just like sex itself, dirty talk is something that needs to be calibrated to whoever is receiving it. Maybe something that you qualify as ‘dirty talk’ is something the other person might find offensive, silly, or straight up insane, and vice versa.

Make a mutual agreement to take risks and accept each other, no matter what you say. Give each other full permission to experiment without shame, for the betterment of your relationship. And no, it doesn’t take away from the sexiness of your dirty talk if you check in with them. It’s the same well-spring of respect that makes you think to ask your partner if their penis/clitoris prefers softer or firmer stimulation.

“If something doesn’t feel natural to you, it won’t sound right when you say it and it will come across as forced,” he says. Know that you don’t have to dive right into graphic dirty talk if it feels awkward or odd—in fact, dirty talk doesn’t even have to be that dirty to be effective. Dr. Tara breaks it into three different intensity levels, from beginner to advanced. Dirty talk is usually thought of as something that occurs during partnered sex, but it can actually occur anytime, anywhere—with or without an audience.

Through trial and error, you will also learn what turns both him and you on. Any emotional connection that comes from physical bonding will also be more real, and less contrived. The whole purpose of dirty talk is to create longing, sexual tension and arousal. These types of phrases are just suggestions, and of course once you get started, and more practiced in talking dirty, you may find that an inner erotic Goddess is let loose – like Pandora’s box just burst open. You may then come up with your own naughty phrases.

I was dripping wet.” Dr. Tara particularly recommends this method as a means of sexting, too. It is often referred to as “the language of passion,” but that’s only because it’s a type of verbal foreplay that’s used to create sexual tension and desire and to arouse. If you’re feeling nervous about saying things out loud, she recommends trying sexting first. “Describe what you’re looking forward to sexually or what you enjoyed about sex last time you connected. This is an easy way to ease into saying things out loud,” she says.

Remember, these are just guidelines to tailor to your and your partner’s likes, kinks, and fetishes. Learning how to talk dirty to a woman or someone with a vagina is no different than learning how to talk dirty to a man or someone with a penis, so see what feels most natural and exciting and go from there. But it’s not easy, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it because every relationship is different and every woman likes different things. There’s a fine line between dirty talk and disgusting talk, and it’s hard to find a balance. To help you find the right words to say, we spoke with a handful of dirty-talking ladies about erotic conversation and found that there are some dos and don’ts that most women can agree on. “Giving your partner carte blanche and handing over the sense of power can open up new and exciting dimensions of pleasure in the bedroom,” says Daniel Sher, a clinical psychologist and sex therapy expert at Between Us.